The following post is part of a series of posts, entitled "In Defense of the Family." The purpose of this series is to inform readers of various aspects of the document "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," as well as to encourage readers to consider their own beliefs regarding the purpose of families. Furthermore, I would invite all readers to prayerfully consider the teachings set forth in The Family Proclamation.
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Mental
Illness in the Family: Adaptation for the Individual
“I
think I have OCD.”
Those were the
words that began one of the most difficult admissions I’d ever made to my
parents. Though I was a successful student, natural athlete, and faithful
church member, I had felt mentally trapped for eight years. It wasn’t until I
was almost certain that I knew the cause of my anxiety that I finally confided
in my parents, outlining some of the disturbing obsessions that plagued my
life. At that point, I had no clue how multifaceted obsessive-compulsive
disorder really was. All I knew was that my mind was different, and that I had
been fighting it in solitude for too long. The Family: A Proclamation to the
World states that “disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate
individual adaptation” (paragraph 7), and my mom knew the moment I told her
about my symptoms that such would be the case in our family. Mental illnesses can
have a significant effect on a person’s holistic wellbeing and therefore may
indeed require individual and familial adaptation.
The first step in
appropriate adaptation is recognizing and appreciating that each family member
has a celestial purpose in belonging to his or her family. In 1 Corinthians 12,
Paul proverbially explains that there are “many members, yet but one body” (v.
20). The various members operate in different roles toward a unified goal. Just
as the physical eye works for the purpose of seeing and the ear for the purpose
of hearing, so too does each family member provide a significant contribution
to the familial body as a whole.
Paul continues
his epistle in explaining that “the members should have the same care one for
another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one
member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Corinthians 12:25–26). Hence,
it is the divine obligation of family members to “mourn with those [loved ones]
that mourn. . . and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9)
by appropriately adapting to special circumstances. Likewise, it is the divine
opportunity of family members to “rejoice with” those loved ones in times of
joy and triumph. The Family Proclamation also counsels extended families to join
in on these roles when circumstances require it (paragraph 7).
When there
appears to be more mourning than rejoicing, enduring the effects of a family
member’s mental illness can seem fruitless and disheartening. For instance,
constantly reassuring a child with OCD that she should trust herself more can
become discouraging when that child speaks of an inability to trust herself at
all. In this case, the parent’s heart aches because he or she sees so clearly
what the child’s mental illness is temporarily concealing. Of course, the
nature and length of adaptation varies according to each individual’s and
family’s needs. However, there is a method of support common among all cases.
That is, the burdens associated with mental illnesses “can be lifted only by
love, understanding, and acceptance” (Morrison 2005). Love and
understanding—the latter described as compassion—are
two specific principles of successful family life outlined in the Family
Proclamation (paragraph 7). Even when the trial seems overwhelming, it is
important for a family to remember these two principles in order to overcome it
together.
During particularly trying periods, it may be
easy to question Why me? or Why my child? Truthfully, families may
not receive a fully detailed answer to such questions in this life. Nevertheless,
we can find comfort in the knowledge that no earthly tribulation is wasted. Tribulation,
Paul teaches, “worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience,
hope” (Romans 5:3–5). All people on Earth chose to come here in order to “gain earthly experience to progress
toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of
eternal life” (Family Proclamation, paragraph 3, emphasis added). For many,
mental illness is one such experience that will enhance a person’s journey toward
perfection. Though at times it causes tribulation, it also cultivates patience,
experience, and hope. Not only will this sequence of growing and learning bless
the individual who has a mental illness, but it will also bless his or her
loved ones as they walk beside their family member during these times.
Another step that
families can take in adapting to the unique needs of a family member with a
mental illness is “to provide for their physical and spiritual needs” (Family
Proclamation, paragraph 6) in ways that others may not require. Providing for
physical needs may include seeking professional medical treatment, including
the proper use of prescribed medication. According to Elder Morrison, “we
should not hesitate to obtain medical and other appropriate professional
assistance. . . which are compatible with gospel principles” when faced with
mental illness (Morrison 2005).
By ensuring that
the medical practices are “compatible with gospel principles” (Morrison 2005),
families can find an unexpected bridge between adapting to their loved one’s
physical needs and adapting to their loved one’s spiritual needs, for the
physical and spiritual are not as separate as is sometimes suggested.
Furthermore, families should recognize that some mental illnesses can create an
unwanted pavilion between the individual and God, at no fault of the
individual. Families can assist their loved one in breaking down this pavilion
through exercising the principles—particularly “faith, prayer, repentance,
[and] forgiveness”—outlined in the Family Proclamation (paragraph 7). For
instance, when appropriate, family members may bear pure testimony of the
healing and enabling power of the Atonement.
On this topic,
Carole M. Stephens recently expressed that “the Master Healer can comfort and
sustain us as we experience painful ‘realities of mortality,’ such as. . .
mental illness” (Stephens 2016). While the reassurance that all will be well in
time does not necessarily cure someone afflicted in the present, some comfort
can be found in a lovingly and sincerely expressed testimony of the Savior’s
Atonement. Sister Stephens shared the story of a young woman with bipolar disorder
who, in the midst of an extremely distressing episode, received confirmation
and testified that Christ had suffered to take the pain away from her. Her
mother, though feeling panicked by a desperation to help, was by her side the
entire time (Stephens 2016). She provided a loving support during her
daughter’s darkest moments and consequently witnessed the light of hope that
emerged because of the Savior’s Atonement.
Because mental
illness can be too great a burden for any one person to bear alone, individual
and familial adaption is often essential in overcoming it. As a family
acknowledges the need for unity, expresses love and understanding, realizes
that no tribulation is wasted, and provides for the physical and spiritual
needs of their loved one, their journeys toward perfection will be enhanced. As
I have researched this topic, particularly as I read Sister Stephens’s address,
I have felt a closer connection with my own family and with the Savior. I have
asked God dozens of times, “Why am I the way that I am?” My mind has been
enlightened and I now feel the responsibility to share my insight with others.
Viewing mental illness as a temporary tribulation with an eternal purpose will
help me apply the same adaptations to my own life as my family has applied to
our family life.
Works Cited
1 Corinthians 12:20, 25–26. King James Version.
John 9:3. King James Version.
Morrison, Alexander B. 2005. “Myths about Mental Illness.” Ensign. Salt Lake City: The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Mosiah 18:9. Book of Mormon.
Romans 5:3–5. King James Version.
Stephens, Carole M. 2016. “The Master Healer.” General Conference. Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” 1995. Salt Lake City: The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
If you're reading this, you already know that Joseph and I are engaged! We are going to be married in the LDS Provo City Center Temple the morning of May 3, 2018. We are so excited to be together forever and to involve our loved ones as much as possible!
